And I feel I'm in the middle of it. Between the stillness and the urge to act.
Right now I'm feeling fragile and vulnerable for all sorts of reasons. But I agree with Brené. Vulnerable is not weak. It needs courage. And it needs courage because putting ourselves out there is very, very scary. It's dangerous. There's a good possibility for you to get hurt. Knowing that and even so make the decision to "go". To do it. It takes courages.
This past week I went into a downward spiral. My mind just went into this mental block of fear and low self esteem. I was suffering not from something that happened but from fear of what could go wrong. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of not being able to succeed in my investments (professional and relationships). Fear of risking so much in my little business. Fear, fear. One week with no sleep and my mind started playing tricks on me. Why was I in this so much pain?
I decided to "let go". It's a decision that you have to make almost every hour, every minute. Let go. Do your best. Get out of bed and trust. Just trust it. Whatever happens you can take it.
My best is good enough. So I just let go of trying to control everything.
Why being still is so hard though? Our first impulse is to act. To get away from the pain. To do whatever distraction possible so we don't think about what hurts. I am learning to be still. With myself. I am learning to dare greatly.
"When we spend our lives waiting until we're perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.
Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don't exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be - a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation - with courage and the willingness to engage". Brené Brown on Daring Greatly.