The other day i came across an article (that i can't find right now but i hope i can link it here later) talking about the benefits of anxiety. Meaning that anxiety is necessary for a creative life. Anxiety is that energy that forces you to move from where you are because that place no longer serves you. Anxiety forces you to seek healing when your comfort zone becomes discomfort. As i heard Jason Silva saying the other day - back in the days those of who didn't act upon fear and anxiety and stayed lying on the ground, were the ones that got eaten by lions.
I get it. I especially get the part of the comfort zone becoming discomfort. It happened to me many times. And every time i tacted away other roads. Some failed, some still being pursued.
But.. i also find anxiety paralyzing. It tires me after a while. It saddens me. Mess with my self esteem. It questions my ability to overcome obstacles and hard times.
I feel my family has been through hard times for so long that it's hard to stay focused. Always positive, but very tired.
Anxiety appears when all your beliefs get shaken. And you have to build new ones. That's scary. And hard work.
I feel time slipping through my fingers with an unbelievable speed. Anxiety keeps me from enjoy the present more, since i am constantly worried about...something, most of the times about something that doesn't exists yet - the future. I consciously know that it's not the right mindset. But feelings don't care much about what you know consciously, i guess. Feelings only require to be felt. And the more you accept them, less anxiety you feel. Fear will never, never, ever go away. That's what makes me wanna be better. That's what makes me spend time with the ones i love, makes me hold them tight, laugh with them, make memories. I fear not having them.
And not complaining because i wouldn't change it for nothing in this world but..in the mix of this messy, complicated, beautiful thing call life.. single parenting is one of the hardest thing in the world. Self doubts aside, i know i am doing a hard, hard, beautiful job. And in this hard family times i try to live the most authentic and creative life possible.
Meet your hard times with courage and move. When you can.
At end of the post there's a golden voice.