Trying to rise from this spiral of anxiety i am in again. 

Between my morning jogging, my healthy food, my (trying of) good night sleep, changing perspectives about pressures and their importance, there's a lot of reading and search for self understanding. Again. And it's my belief this self study will never end. 

Since i have a lack for words at the moment, i will use another's and maybe it will resonate with you as it does so much with me.

"Yes, there can be no innovation, learning or creativity without failure. But failing is painful. It fuels the "shouldas and couldas", which means judgment and shame are often lying in wait. Yes, i agree with Tennyson, who wrote, "tis is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. BUT heartbreak knocks the wind out of you, and the feelings of loss and longing can make getting out of bed a impossible task. Learning to trust and lean in to love again can feel impossible. Yes, if we care enough and dare enough, we will experience disappointment. But in those moments, when disappointment is washing over us and we're desperately trying to get our heads and hearts around what is or is not going to be, the death of our expectations can be painful beyond measure."

BrenĂ© Brown in Rising Strong

And although it's a transcript from a book, these were the hardest words to write here. And although the death of our expectations can be painful beyond measure, the good news is that we can always, always rise strong.