This was my view Friday morning. Usually whenever i can i take a little time on Fridays to do something for me. Breathing this was it.
Lately i've been feeling like some kind of jelly that someone smashed and i'm all over the place. Nothing happened in particular to make me feel that way. At least nothing consciously.
One moment i'm laughing and feeling on top of the world the other i'm sitting on the ground, head between my hands thinking how much i'm failing and in so many things. One moment i'm like "i got this" the other like "what am i thinking? No way i can do all this".
Self-doubt is a b.
There are days that i could do a great comedy sketch. I probably look like a crazy lady. It's must be funny from the outside. It's funny and tiring on the inside. The problem is, how much is self-doubt and product of fear, how much is reality? Because this thing of mom/business woman is really hard. It's like a blanket too small. If you pull from one side, something is going to get uncovered.
Mom guilt is a b.
Being a mom is a priority. But the business is my try to build the life we dream. Also for my sanity and feed my creative side. Let's face it. The kids benefit from it. Happy mom, happy kids. It's well known the difficulty of finding that balance. I know (and i say this to my friends), that we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. Maybe i just expect too much of myself, maybe it's what i think that others expect from me.
Expectations can be a b.
Just let them go. I've learn this fact about me: i can't always see all the conquers that i've already made. I have this tendency to overshadowing them and only focus in what i haven't accomplish. Don't do it. Take a second to look how far you've come. That's a good habit.
Today tiredness, frustration, and fear is blinding me. But i'm sure i'm doing a good job. Tomorrow i'll see it.